omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
