2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
