the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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