I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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