dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
