I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
