guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
