I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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