Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
