i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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