Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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