He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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