Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
