i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
