1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm really into asian looking animals
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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