So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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