doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
