So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
