you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
