worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
