The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
