My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
