Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
