Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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