it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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