I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
