He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
