your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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