He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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