ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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