bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
