I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
