my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
