what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
