I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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