he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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