Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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