Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
