I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will be naked everywhere
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
