The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I could make wine with my vomit
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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