So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
