I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
