if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
