You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
