I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to make a zoo with you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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