if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
