I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
