he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
