saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
