So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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