hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
