there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
